The Friend's Inbox-25 & Holding
WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE APPROPRIATE TIME FRAME FOR A WOMAN TO WAIT BEFORE HAVING SEX WITH A MAN?
I MET A NICE GUY AND WE TALKED BACK AND FORTH FOR ABOUT TWO WEEKS BEFORE WE WENT OUT ON A DATE. I WAS FEELING HIM A LOT AND WE HAD GREAT CHEMISTRY BUT I DIDN\'T WANT HIM TO THINK I WAS FAST. WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT BEING INTIMATE AND HAD PLAYFUL CHIT CHAT BACK AND FORTH BUT I THINK IF HE WANTS IT HE SHOULD WAIT AT LEAST THREE DATES OR A MONTH-WHICHEVER COMES FIRST.
HE DIDN\'T TRY NOTHING BUT I HAVEN\'T HEARD FROM HIM LIKE I USUALLY DO. I AM 25 AND HE IS 32. IS IT SILLY TO PUT A TIME LIMIT ON SEX?
Dear 25 & Holding,
You should never do something that you are uncomfortable with.If you feel its appropriate to wait 3 dates and get to know someone better then that's your prerogative.But if you are doing it to support some antiquated ideal and you really wanna sex him up, do what you feel like doing it.If it moves you to jump his bones the next time you see him ,go at it. Whatever you do, DO IT WITH A CONDOM!
A.J
Dear 25 & Holding,
While the time seems short-I'm not really sure why you would be TALKING about having sex but worried that he'll think you're "fast" if you did it. Maybe he just thinks you're a tease. In a small way, I guess I can give you a little credit for knowing your worth, but on the same token-how well do you really know your worth if this guy can just ignore you and have you guessing about what his intentions are.
You have to have a special kind of game to deal with an older man. I don't think you have it. My guess is that he'll call you just enough to keep you interested, and not enough to make you comfortable. I predict you'll give up the goods because you're already talking yourself into it with his simple and basic "Pimp a Simple Chick 101" game.
You are a grown woman. You control YOUR body, so however you feel after you do what you do is on you. Just stop thinking some magic timeline is going to make a man respect you or prevent him from thinking your are fast. You don't have to give it up, if he wants it that bad-he'll find someone who will. If you don't think he's worth it...move on and don't look back.
Don't write another letter in a few weeks talking about the other chick you think he's banging out while you put him on standby.
Good luck.
Moni
Dear Spinster in Training,
What are you waiting for? And yes, that's a serious question. I am the first to say not to be a whore, and that if you give it up too soon then that's the category you're going to be placed in. At the same time, there's not magical time limit that's going to tell you when the time is right. But what, exactly, are you waiting for? When it feels right, meaning you feel comfortable, safe, and trusting, then go for it and enjoy! But don't let artificial, random deadlines dictate any aspect of your relationship. And if he's not calling, maybe that's a sign that he wasn't really looking for more than sex, so congrats on dodging that bullet!
She
Dear Time limit,
I would be remiss in educating you properly if I didn’t address this first, talking back and forth is called a Conversation. A conversation is defined as the use of speech for informal exchange of views or ideas or information etc. now on to your question.
I don't think it's silly for a woman to put a personal time limit that SHE needs to follow for HER own satisfaction. But to expect someone to wait on YOUR time limit without understanding why they have to wait is silly. You say if he wants “it”, he should wait? Why should he have to wait if you haven’t given him a specific date and the reasons why you will not do anything before this date. You are one of them many women that think the following false statements.
1. You're giving a man some sex.
You are not giving a man anything, it is an equal giving and taking in a sexual act. In fact if you wanted to get literal about it he is giving and you are receiving. So I want you to get the false assumption that you are giving a man anything out of your head.
2. You're the only one walking around with a pussy.
Lady cats have pussies. Yours is not a unique snowflake, it's made of the same basic materials that others are made of.
You said he is 32 years old and most likely has his shit together, he knows the two above statements are true. He probably stopped calling and chatting with you because you bore him with your one topic talk about sex. Don’t you have anything else to offer? From the structure of your email and the fact that it is in all CAPS, I surmise that it is all you have to offer. Most likely a conversation with you is like riding a carousel, no matter where you start and what horse you pick you have to sit through noise you don’t want to hear to end up at the same place. Women like you that think a man should have to wait for you but are unwilling to set time limits for things YOU need to get done for HIM, women like this deserve to spend years alone crying bitter tears into their pillows.
If ever two things in life annoy me it is these two things. The first is people who TYPE IN ALL CAPS. The second is people who don’t look internally for what the problem is. You problem is not that you make men wait, it is the reasoning behind it. If you don't follow my advise about your relationship please follow my advise about typing in caps. When you type that way, you betray your years and sound not cute but idiotic.
Mr. Superstar
Well Ms. Anonymous aka 25 & Holding, aka Spinster in Training, aka Time limit...
YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD!!
Any other thoughts and comments for our Anonymous reader? To the comments you go!!
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