The Friends Inbox-The Case of the Groom & the Bride(smaid)
From The Friends Inbox via anonymous e-mail submission:
Dear Sex & the City,
Keep your mouth shut! There is no possible way this works out well for you. You are a Facebook friend turned new BFF, not someone she has known and been in contact with her entire life. I've seen people turn on their best friends, sisters, and cousins all over a man that wasn't really good enough for any of them. Right or wrong, she will side with him and hate you all the way up until the divorce.
But to be honest, you're pretty much out of luck on this one anyway, so I guess it's more a matter of when you want this "friendship" to end. It will end when you tell her, or when he tells her, or when she stumbles across a message. In either case, you slept with her guy at some point, you've known she's engaged to him for at least a while and are bold enough to agree to stand beside her as she marries him (kinda skeezy), and you never bothered to tell her. Some chicks are cool with the whole sharing a penis deal and are able to stay girlfriends, but those situations usually involve guys that were jump-off quality anyway. This is different. This is a man she is prepared to spend the rest of her life with, no matter how shady he seems to you. If he's sending those messages to you, he probably already also has another chick on the side (or three) so it's only a matter of time before he does something stupid anyway. You can't save her from him or from getting hurt if that's what you're thinking. The only question is what role will you play or not play in their business.
She
Dear Once-Upon-a-Jumpoff
You have something of a dilemma here. Not the history between you and your friend's fiancée (which I will address shortly), but the fact that the dude is skuzzy enough to try to link up with you again, even though he's engaged to be married, and you have a personal friendship with his bride-to-be. Dude has clearly indicated that he doesn't really want to be married, he just likes the easy-access ass. Face the facts, if he's propositioning you, you're NOT the only one he's likely making moves on. I suggest you get your friend REALLY drunk, and 'accidently' spill the beans, because the longer you hold onto this info, the worse it looks for you. After all, he's going to slip up at some point... asshats always do. When he does, all kinds of bones are going to come tumbling out of the closet, and you DO NOT want your name to suddenly come out of his mouth when it does.
As for Mr. High-occupancy-penis, just be apprised, that as I said earlier, it's going to come out at some point. Especially since you're her friend and you are now in some form of regular contact with him vicariously through her. I don't know how you plan to tell her, but the fact that you feel iffy about doing it means she'll blow it all out proportion when it does rear its ugly head. Cuz you know how women are, effin' schizo...
Metaphyzxx
I'm going to make some assumptions here: if you do not live in the same state as her, I will assume you don't live in the same state as the groom-to-be either? Also, can we please have a time frame?!
Here's my biggest problem with what you have stated here-I see that you are in a dilemma about whether to tell her or not-but did I miss the part where you said you DON'T want to deal with this dude? Is that a whole 'nother letter to The Friend's?
I guess for me, I would like to assume that because they are a soon-to-be married couple that they have divulged things about their past. However, it also occurs to me that this dude is still trying to get a side piece before even making it official with HIS piece. Surely you don't think you are the only one who has received this offer, right?
So-if you tell her and things head south for the happy couple-it's your fault. If you don't tell her and things head south for the happy couple and THEN she finds out-it's your fault. I suppose it depends on how good of friends the two of you actually are. Would you want her to tell you?
Guess I have no real solid vote either way-good luck.
Moni
Well, Sex & the City aka Once Upon a Jumpoff aka the Groom's Ex-fling-it seems the Friend's are split on this decision, but hopefully you have a thing or four to think about. At any rate:
Do our readers have any advice for the popular Bridesmaid? Leave it in the comment section!!
Posted on 10:28 AM by You Have Been TOLD and filed under
9-24-09 Groom's Ex Fling
| 0 Comments »
I am going to be in a wedding of a girl that I knew from high school in December. I don't live in the same state that she does, but she found me on facebook and we have been talking non stop so I was really excited that she asked me to be in her wedding. But I have a problem.
I had a sexual relationship with her fiance'. This was previous to them ever knowing about it so I thought there was no point in telling her.
He has started sending me messages telling me that I\'m the best he ever had and that I should do him a favor and let him do me one more time before he marries my friend.
I told him to stop messaging me and he did. Do I tell her? I don't want him to say something stupid, but is it better to come from me or him?
HELP
Dear Sex & the City,
Keep your mouth shut! There is no possible way this works out well for you. You are a Facebook friend turned new BFF, not someone she has known and been in contact with her entire life. I've seen people turn on their best friends, sisters, and cousins all over a man that wasn't really good enough for any of them. Right or wrong, she will side with him and hate you all the way up until the divorce.
But to be honest, you're pretty much out of luck on this one anyway, so I guess it's more a matter of when you want this "friendship" to end. It will end when you tell her, or when he tells her, or when she stumbles across a message. In either case, you slept with her guy at some point, you've known she's engaged to him for at least a while and are bold enough to agree to stand beside her as she marries him (kinda skeezy), and you never bothered to tell her. Some chicks are cool with the whole sharing a penis deal and are able to stay girlfriends, but those situations usually involve guys that were jump-off quality anyway. This is different. This is a man she is prepared to spend the rest of her life with, no matter how shady he seems to you. If he's sending those messages to you, he probably already also has another chick on the side (or three) so it's only a matter of time before he does something stupid anyway. You can't save her from him or from getting hurt if that's what you're thinking. The only question is what role will you play or not play in their business.
She
Dear Once-Upon-a-Jumpoff
You have something of a dilemma here. Not the history between you and your friend's fiancée (which I will address shortly), but the fact that the dude is skuzzy enough to try to link up with you again, even though he's engaged to be married, and you have a personal friendship with his bride-to-be. Dude has clearly indicated that he doesn't really want to be married, he just likes the easy-access ass. Face the facts, if he's propositioning you, you're NOT the only one he's likely making moves on. I suggest you get your friend REALLY drunk, and 'accidently' spill the beans, because the longer you hold onto this info, the worse it looks for you. After all, he's going to slip up at some point... asshats always do. When he does, all kinds of bones are going to come tumbling out of the closet, and you DO NOT want your name to suddenly come out of his mouth when it does.
As for Mr. High-occupancy-penis, just be apprised, that as I said earlier, it's going to come out at some point. Especially since you're her friend and you are now in some form of regular contact with him vicariously through her. I don't know how you plan to tell her, but the fact that you feel iffy about doing it means she'll blow it all out proportion when it does rear its ugly head. Cuz you know how women are, effin' schizo...
Metaphyzxx
I'm going to make some assumptions here: if you do not live in the same state as her, I will assume you don't live in the same state as the groom-to-be either? Also, can we please have a time frame?!
Here's my biggest problem with what you have stated here-I see that you are in a dilemma about whether to tell her or not-but did I miss the part where you said you DON'T want to deal with this dude? Is that a whole 'nother letter to The Friend's?
I guess for me, I would like to assume that because they are a soon-to-be married couple that they have divulged things about their past. However, it also occurs to me that this dude is still trying to get a side piece before even making it official with HIS piece. Surely you don't think you are the only one who has received this offer, right?
So-if you tell her and things head south for the happy couple-it's your fault. If you don't tell her and things head south for the happy couple and THEN she finds out-it's your fault. I suppose it depends on how good of friends the two of you actually are. Would you want her to tell you?
Guess I have no real solid vote either way-good luck.
Moni
Well, Sex & the City aka Once Upon a Jumpoff aka the Groom's Ex-fling-it seems the Friend's are split on this decision, but hopefully you have a thing or four to think about. At any rate:
YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD!!
Do our readers have any advice for the popular Bridesmaid? Leave it in the comment section!!
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