The Friends' Inbox-10-9-09-Mommy Dearest??
Sent via e-mail submission:
Date: Thu, Oct 8, 2009 at 10:11 AM
Subject: Half siblings
To: wyfwtu@gmail.com
Question:
My parents were divorced when I was 10 (16 yrs ago). They got along
much better after divorced and still have a good relationship. My dad
recently got married to a woman that is only 3 yrs older than me.
First thing, she doesn't think I should call her by her name since she
is my dads wife. Second, she whines to my dad all the time because I
dont acknowledge her twin daughters as my little sisters. I don't
have any siblings and Im a grown woman. My mom is asking me to just
do what she asks because she is making a big deal out of it with my
dad. This girl is my peer. What does she want me to call her? If
they had a child together, yes I would acknowledge that kid, but her
daughters are not kin to me! She tells my dad I don't do it because
I'm jealous of her because I dont have kids and Im not married. I am
a nurse with plenty to do rather than entertain her and her whining.
:Generally I dont have a problem with her or the situation. I babysit
her daughters on the weekends when Im off so they can have date nights
and such and I like her enough but she is not my mother. She told my
dad if I dont call her some type of title her daughters will be
confused and not understand I am there sister. I would love for all
of you to reply so I can send her the link to your page!
J.A.D. in Toledo
Dear J.A.D in Toledo
I think that it is ridiculous for you to have to address someone who is only 3 yrs your senior as any type of Mother. She sounds like she is younger than you since she is so insecure and having a hissy fit over being called mother. But perhaps calling her Stepmother would serve her right, because then she would have to answer the question of how she is your stepmother and not your cousin or sister! Have discussion with her and not your father because this is HER problem.Express yourself as clearly as you did here and let her know you do no feel comfortable addressing her as anything but "Jane" or "Ms.Jane".
In regards to your new step-sisters, they are your step-sisters and should be acknowledged as such.I am glad that you are fostering a relationship with them. Good luck.
A.J.
When I give advice I look at the perspective of every party involved to try to see where their motivation comes from. Most of the time when looking at it this way it's easy for me to see the things that you, while looking from your own might have missed. In this case I think YOU young lady are missing her point. While I feel you shouldn't EVER have to call her MOM I see why she thinks you should. Two things are going on here, the first is she knows that her Husband, your dad cares a lot about you and probably struggled with his choice of making her his wife because of the closeness of your ages. She knows this and needs your validation not only for the sake of her happiness but for his as well. That shows that she might be a bit insecure but she holds your fathers state of peace in high regard. The second thing about this is her daughters, look at it from their perspective, they now have a successful BIG sister who spends time with them. That is exciting and new to them and they look up to you, I am sure that if you and her talked to them like adults and said to them why you don't call her mom, they would fully understand why. Kids are not stupid, they only grow to be that way. You are a grown woman, but listen my dad got recently remarried to a woman that has younger kids and I felt bit of jealousy when I noticed that they got a lot more from him than I did as a kid. Knowing daughters and fathers relationships are much stronger most times, you might have feelings that you don't even notice. Hope I helped
Mr. Superstar
I'm not going to even comment on the wife of your father, seems simpleness is running rampant these days. However, I don't see the problem with calling these little girls your little sisters. Your father married her, and in that marriage he accepted her children as she accepted his, YOU. Now, my son has a wonderful stepmother and I tell him to call her whatever feels natural to him...this advice shouldn't be any different to you. Those girls KNOW you are not their mother's daughter, maybe you just need to come up with something that keeps all lines clear. I do commend you for being somewhat open minded. Maybe his wife needs to realize that your father loves certain things about her and that's why she is his wife which should have nothing to do with YOU as his daughter. Tricky situation. Hope it all works out.
Moni
Well, J.A.D., You got some different perspectives here so we hope we have helped. At the end of the day, a name is just a name-the ties that bind are in the love that is shared. So, J.A.D. and Mommy Dearest-
YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD!!
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