The following article appeared on CNN, by Jessica Wakeman:

Blame my older sister, the kindergarten teacher, but I believe in the Golden Rule. Whether you're my boss, my intern, my boyfriend or my third-cousin-twice-removed, I will treat you with the same amount of respect as everyone else.


Why am I wired this way? Other kids were really cruel to me from grade school through high school -- whether putting Scotch tape in my hair during class, calling me "Cabbage Patch Kid" because of my chubby cheeks, or circulating my name on a list where girls were ranked by their hotness and I was rated 3 out of 10.


That stuff made me feel terrible most of the time and I don't want anyone knowing what that's like. Instead, I try to be kind to every person, regardless of how popular/attractive/smart they are, and not be a brownnoser, ever.


It's striking to me, though, how not being a kiss-up has ruined my friendships with some very pretty women. In fact, my only friendship Titanics have happened when I've stood up to extraordinarily beautiful women and lost out. "The Pretty Girl" wanted me to play by her rules; I didn't want to do it, so Pretty Girl read me the friendship riot act and ditched me. Forever.


Let me be clear: I do have girlfriends. I'm not incapable of being friends with women. I have some really great female friends who are all regular-looking like me. When we bicker, we get over it. But when a normal-looking woman like me befriends someone who is model-pretty, there's trouble.


Let's face it: Beauty is a privilege. It acts like a honing device for male attention, opens doors to clubs, causes compliments to rain upon the lucky ones. But if the parties aren't careful, a beautiful friend and a regular-looking friend can get locked into a power dynamic.


Of course, not every beautiful woman lords her privilege over her less beautiful friends. Still, some do. Beauty is a universally valued quality for a woman; it offers privileges that can always be relied on. The logic of one's arguments, or articulation of one's emotions, unfortunately, is less reliable. And because plenty of women and men want to be around attractive women just so those privileges can rub off of them, some beautiful women aren't used to hearing "no."


I truly think my friendship difficulties with pretty women stem from my challenging them with words or reasoning, instead of just falling in line with the power dynamic they try to exert.


Jealous? No. I'm resentful. When it becomes clear to me that a beautiful friend of mine plays the "my way or the highway" card, I resent the fact that I'm being valued so little. Compromise and admitting you are wrong are friendship skills which date back to the sandbox days -- I don't care if you look like Megan Fox.


Sasha modeled back in New York, where we went to school; she turned heads with her pretty blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, and lovely smile. We met studying abroad in Prague together and lived in the same dormitory.


It became clear after a few weeks, though, that Sasha only wanted to do what she wanted to do and when she wanted to do it. She wouldn't go to a Czech restaurant or join me at a dance club just because I wanted her to -- she said "no" all the time. I hated that, of course, but I figured I had to suck it up because the other girls we hung out with parroted whatever Sasha did.


Then one day I was robbed; my passport and all my money was stolen. I told Sasha about it and it surprised me that she didn't offer to spot me even a little Czech currency to tide me over until an American Express wire came through from my dad. Instead, Sasha was really quiet.


When I returned from the Czech embassy after replacing my passport, I saw Sasha by my bedroom. Out of left field, she confronted me and accused me of coveting her fiance because I'd once hooked up with a guy who had the same name as her fiance did. Lusting after a guy I'd never met back in New York? What?! No!


Minutes later, Sasha switched gears and lectured me for calling myself a vegetarian even though I eat fish. I defended myself against that accusation, too. After a lot of tsk-tsking and head-shaking on her part, she said she didn't want to be friends anymore and stalked out of my dorm room. OK, whatever kooky lady who kicks a friend when she's down.


But then over the next few days, I realized the group of girls Sasha and I hung out with were avoiding me completely, but still hanging out with her. What bitches!


Years later, I butted heads again with a roommate, Elizabeth, who worked as a professional model and actress. She was tall, slim and elegant, with dark hair, dark eyes and an absolutely breathtaking face. Elizabeth, too, insisted she was right about everything, whether it was whether men should pay on dates or the best way to scour a bathtub.


When I disagreed with Elizabeth, she would, without fail, say something in a condescending voice about how I didn't understand XYZ, but she did because she claimed to have had more experience with whatever it was. That kind of "logic" is hard to argue with. Eventually, we had a friendship/happy roommates blowup when I told her that her friend who insisted that he knew how to fix our broken Internet connection was actually making it worse.


I could go on with other examples of disagreements with attractive women where I ended up getting ditched, but I think you get the point. It's their loss, I think, because they could have had a friend who stood up to them. That's an asset, ladies.


But it's my loss for being so stubborn about arguments that I lose friendships over them. I'm just unwilling to be a butt-kisser. I really, really can't do it.

Is there really a different dynamic between more attractive women and what the author refers to as "normal" looking women?  Is this issue between women more an issue of looks or insecurity?  Do Men have these problems?  Why is it that women seem to always find a problem with other women??
Friends?  What say you??



I'm just gonna put it out there...I'm pretty. And you know what? I like it! Yes, it is true that attractive people sometimes get special breaks in life, but did it occur to you, bitter blamer chick, that maybe it's because pretty people are just more likely to carry themselves with more confidence? I'd be silly to say that more attractive people NEVER get special treatment, but I'd be willing to bet that most of the time it's more about the winner-attitude and sense of entitlement they carry with them.

That you view yourself as average at best is probably also reflected in how you approach people, how you present yourself, and your overall self-esteem. You present yourself as a victim, even in this narrative, which is why people think they can take advantage of you or treat you any kind of way. If I think I'm the best, it makes it a whole lot easier to convince others that I am, too! Are there some women out there who are as pretty or even prettier than I am? Sure. Does that affect how I go about my daily life and who I can be friends with? Not really. Well, truth be told, I do tend to roll with pretty ladies too, but our beauty extends beyond the physical. It permeates every aspect of our beings, and we carry ourselves in a manner that lets the rest of the world know that yes, we do think we're special.

What's really funny to me is that in my group of good lookin' ladies, we are also the first to correct each other if the hair, outfit, etc. isn't right. There's no real competition. I'm not going to let my girls go out looking crazy just so that I can look better. When your self-esteem is high you don't need to compete with others--you're competing with yourself! We actually push and encourage each other in all areas, whether professional, physical, or emotional. That's what real friends do!

I hate to break it to you, but ugly girls don't have a monopoly on being good people. It seems like you just had a few scuzzy friends (as all females do at some point in time) and you blamed it on their being prettier than you. Come to think of it, has it occurred to you that if you can't get along with any attractive people, maybe YOU are the problem? Get some self-esteem pills, please, and share them with your uggo-to-average friends who also need them if they are willing to let you, essentially, settle for their friendship. By only choosing average or less friends, you are excluding an entire group of people based soley on appearance, which you would be upset if someone did to you. Quit complaining, quit being a victim, pop a pill, and come up to my level instead of waiting for me to drop down to yours!

She



I really tried to get with this thinking and try to make some sense of it, but I just couldn't! And I'd venture to say it's NOT because I'm more attractive than you, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that because I have a higher opinion of MYSELF than you-I can't relate.

I think the pretty girls you have been friends with were just as obsessed about being pretty as you were WITH them being pretty. What you guys had in common was the insecurity about your appearance. The shared thought that beauty is of some significance and your thought that you didn't have enough, and their thought that that's all they were wanted for HAD to lead to all kinds of iissues and ultimately a blow out. And in the end...you just proved to yourself what you think is true.

Well, it is kind of true. If you continue to befriend people that are so shallow that all they have to offer is their looks, that IS how it will end up. If you are willing to label YOURSELF as normal, why should anybody else treat you any different?

I have a wonderful group of amazing beautiful friends. They are wonderful mothers, accomplished career-women, and in most cases attractive. We are all different shapes, sizes, and shades with different lives and different paths. What makes them beautiful is the people they ARE, not the face in the mirror. I have no time for simple chicks...and that's what I kind of feel like the author here IS.

It's not about pretty women being hard to be friends with. It's about simple minds trying to handle complicated matters that in real life aren't that complicated at all. It just doesn't work.

Sure, men that I meet think I'm beautiful, amazing, wonderful, fantastic...all of that. Because that's what I think of ME! Maybe I should send my thoughts on "haters" to the author?

Moni



Check back with us as the Friend's continue to weigh in on this subject. Can pretty women truly be good friends? Is this an issue of looks on the outside, or the beauty on the inside. At any rate, crazy author-


What do you think?